712 Quotes by Jon Stewart

Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain

You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning.

Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.

The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

Most world religions denounced war as a barbaric waste of human life. We treasured the teachings of these religions so dearly that we frequently had to wage war in order to impose them on other people.

The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church.

So what was work? Tasks we performed for compensation in the service of an employer, be it an individual or a corporate entity. And yes, it was as exciting as it sounds. We didn't want to work. In fact, that's about as good a definition of work as you could have: that which we didn't want to do, but had to if we didn't want to eat dirt.

I have some bad news. Bjork cannot be here tonight. She was trying on her Oscar dress and Dick Cheney shot her.