498 Quotes by Josh Billings

Never teach your child to be cunning or you may be certain you will be one of the very first victims of his shrewdness.

When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him.

Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland.

The man who ain't got an enemy is really poor.

One legged chickens, I know, are the least apt to scratch a garden.

I hate to be a kicker, I always long for peace, But the wheel that does the squeaking, is the one that gets the grease.

When a young man begins to go down hill everything seems to be greased for the occasion.

I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else.

Put an Englishman into the garden of Eden, and he would find fault with the whole blasted concern; put a Yankee in, and he would see where he could alter it to advantage; put an Irishman in, and he would want to boss the thing; put a Dutchman in, and he would proceed to plant it.