19 Quotes by Judy Tenuta

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, 'Just wait.

This guy says, ""I'm perfect for you, 'cause I'm a cross between a macho man and a sensitive man."" I said, ""Oh, a gay trucker?

Nothing makes my day more than when someone comes up to me and says I bring them joy. That's why I do it, to make people laugh their butts off and forget about their problems.

How many of you have ever started dating because you were too lazy to commit suicide?

What do men want? Men want a mattress that cooks.

You can't get a body like mine in a bottle unless you push real hard.

I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor didn't exist.

I turned down a date once because I was looking for someone a little closer to the top of the food chain.

Love Goddess in training. It could happen.