6 Quotes by Jules Cassard

I know what I’m doing. I’m panicking. The first thing I should do is stop panicking. But that’s not a thing to do, that’s a thing to stop doing. Hey, maybe that’s why I’m getting all worked up. I’ve been putting way too much emphasis on what I should be doing when often the real question has been what should I stop doing. So the first thing I should stop doing is asking the wrong questions. The second thing I should stop doing is panicking.

It’s like my therapist says: ‘Even hypochondriacs get sick for real sometimes.

I suspect that many of the horror stories about jail are greatly exaggerated, but still, I wouldn’t want to pass out in one.

If you’ve only seen a dead body in a casket at a funeral, then you’ve never seen a real dead body. Believe me, I know, because recently I saw my first real dead body.

My mom always used to say, ‘A watch pot never boils,’ and I never knew if that really was something people used to say or if she just made it up, but I understood it either way.

To give away flowers you have to literally cut off their life supply: ‘Here you go, it’s pretty now but it’s rapidly dying and will decompose before your eyes.’ It’s like giving someone a pet fish without the bowl.