368 Quotes by Karl Pilkington

But I’m not an idiot. At the end of the day, I’ve learned a lot.

Avocados, it’s a food that ain’t worth injuring yourself for. If it’s a hassle to get into, leave it to the experts.

Pigeons: They’ve got wings, but they walk a lot...

From someone whose dad buys him a spade for Christmas, I thought you’d be grateful!

Everyone is living for everyone else now. They’re doing stuff so they can tell other people about it. I don’t get all that social media stuff, I’ve always got other things I want to do – odd jobs around the house. No one wants to hear about that.

I was still using my eyes even though I had them shut.

What I mean is, I don’t know what I mean...

The Tudors, I don’t even know if I had a family back then.

I’ve heard goldfish grow to the size of their surroundings; so does furniture.