368 Quotes by Karl Pilkington

Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’. Unless it’s polio.

Me in a one-man tent crouching over carrier bag. It’s not just the lowest point of the trip. It’s the lowest point ever. In 38 years.

I always have a problem liking things I’m told I should like.

Heaven? Floating about with everyone you ever knew for eternity? Me family does me ’ed in after one day at xmas, I’d rather be mush.

The only memory I have was how the wrestler’s balls that were thrust into my face left a saltiness on my lips. At first I assumed it was from the tacos, and then I realised I’d not eaten any today. I.

If you’re worrying about the wrinkles on your bollocks I’d say your life’s pretty good.

I really can’t believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand.

It’s like there’s some unwritten rule that if you’re mates, you can say what you want to each other, and you don’t really get that annoyed about it.

All fame is is having people you don’t know coming up to you and saying, ‘Hello.’ I’m always polite and people are always nice, but it’s weird.