368 Quotes by Karl Pilkington

Just tick a few boxes, agree to the terms and conditions and wait for the automated reply that says it’s all gone through and we’re now husband and wife. Why has that not been set up?

People say if bees die out, the world would end, apparently. Now, I don’t know if that’s true, if that’s some bee enthusiast who managed to write a good document, and people believe this.

If you’d have told me five years ago that I’d have done all this – two books, some television and everything – I’d panic, I’d be scared.

Cat food. It stinks a bit, but if you don’t put up with the smell, the little kitten will die.

The cafe was called Tattoos. The fella who owned it didn’t have any tattoos... but we never saw his wife.

It’s weird how me and that insect are miles apart in terms of lifestyle, yet we both like a biscuit.

Making the ‘An Idiot Abroad’ series, I was really dreading going to India; I thought I’d hate it. It was a nightmare, and I was really ill – just like everyone says.

Thinking is underrated. I don’t think thinking is a popular pastime these days due to the fact there’s always something else on offer that you could be doing instead. Maybe people also don’t like to do it as much as it’s now harder due to noise.

I don’t watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that’s in there.