368 Quotes by Karl Pilkington

The reason I did the book about holidays is that you’re a different person on holiday. You’re sleeping somewhere unfamiliar, knocking about with people you’ve never met and for 10 days you’re someone else. You’re out of your comfortable zone.

If you go away with, you know, a girlfriend, wife, whatever, you have an argument on holiday because you’re not used to spending that much time with people.

I’ve never thought about it before, but I suppose bad people might need someone to pray to, too.

I’ve got loads of nieces and nephews.

People moan about drugs being tested on animals. I sort of think it depends innit. If the drug’s aspirin and the monkey’s got a headache, is it right?

If you don’t sleep you get run down. Sloths never get a flu, cos its good innit thats when your body’s replemishing.

If Camels are the ship of the dessert, this one is the Titanic.

If something happened to Suzanne I don’t think I would want to go through with finding somebody else either. I’d feel quite lost without her. It would be like separating Siamese twins, as we’ve been through everything together. Which can also be handy, as my memory isn’t what it used to be, so I use hers as my back-up memory drive. Meeting someone new would be like getting a new phone. You have to start again, input all of your information into them while trying to get to know their functions.

Me mum used to always have the radio on – even now she has it on in every room. Me girlfriend sort of blames that reason for me not doing that well at school – constant noise, really.