368 Quotes by Karl Pilkington

I don't like jellyfish, they’re not a fish, they're just a blob. They don’t have eyes, fins or scales like a cod. They float about blind, stinging people in the seas, And no one eats jellyfish with chips and mushy peas. Get rid of 'em!

People always tell me I'm going to regret not having kids. But what if I have one and then I regret having it? Has anyone thought of that option?

Me in a one-man tent crouching over carrier bag. It's not just the lowest point of the trip. It's the lowest point ever. In 38 years.

I am pessimistic, I think that's the best way to be, because if you're always expecting the best - the best doesn't always happen. Nine times out of 10 it doesn't. I'm surprised when things go smoothly. I don't know what's wrong with being pessimistic - unless you are such a pessimist that you don't do anything.

Does the brain control you or are you controlling the brain? I don't know if I'm in charge of mine.

And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding.

I'm more open to give things a go, but what I'm not good at yet is holding back. If something is daft or rubbish, I just go, I can't be doing it.

It's like the panda, they say that's dying out. But what do they do? When you see them they're just sitting in the jungle eating

I sometimes wonder how we're short of cod. There's gonna be a load deep down that are hiding. But it's a good reason to put the price up, and it means a load of people will have haddock. They should tell people they're running out of all sorts. Make 'em panic a bit.