18 Quotes by Katie Heaney

I'm going to stay a little uptight and anxious.

I am obviously not a patient person.

I keep myself to myself.

And though nobody has been dumb enough to say anything close to "You need to get laid" to my face, I resent the idea that anyone might think, if they knew my history, that I'd be slightly different by virtue of having a penis-however briefly-inside me. That is some phallocentric bullshit if I ever heard any. Hypothetical penises don't make the rules. I make the rules. I love the rules.

This is THE most romantic thing that has ever happened to me, and it involves both drugs and a toilet.

There are a lot of things wrong with this particular approach to getting your girlfriend to agree to reenter a relationship with you. Probably the biggest problem is that it's a PowerPoint presentation.

I was trying to seduce him just by being physically near him. Like, seduction by osmosis. It works in movies constantly.

It was different than all the rest because I say it was. I felt it was.

I miss Ariana Grande!