18 Quotes by Katie Heaney

Girls are nothing to be afraid of, no matter the kind. Boys, on the other hand.

Sex is not a wizard, whatever magical-seeming properties it might possess in its better forms. If your friend says to you, "You're being mean, you need to get laid," your problem is not sex. Your problems are that you might be acting like an asshole, and your friends are definitely idiots.

Because I have always wanted to believe. In God, in ghosts, in karma, in UFOs.

My darling, patient friends tell me that I'm still single only because I'm picky, and because I haven't met the right person yet. This would feel truer if I hadn't been shut down by quite so many wrong people that I, despite my allegedly high standards, chased after.

A friend of mine once told me a month is about how long it takes to begin seeing another person as another person instead of a character making a cameo appearance in your life

On several occasions she'd half jokingly maybe quarter jokingly, told me she was glad I was gay if only because it meant no boyfriend or husband of mine would ever murder me. What a relief.

I would feel bad for them if they weren't also the biggest crybabies in history, faking fouls left and right like a professional men's team at the World Cup.

I can't be in love with every hot movie star; it's exhausting.

It has often been hard for me to know if people are serious when they talk about making T-shirts. Just to be clear: Nobody ever means it, ever. Making and wearing matching, themed T-shirts is embarrassing. Unless you want to make some with me right now, or something.