31 Quotes by Ken Dodd

Men’s legs have a terribly lonely life – standing in the dark in your trousers all day.

I haven’t spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months-I don’t like to interrupt her.

I told the Inland Revenue I didn’t owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.

Laughter is the greatest music in the world and audiences come to my shows to escape the cares of life. They don’t want to be embarrassed or insulted. They want to laugh and so do I – which is probably why it works.

Did you know that a laugh is something that comes out of a hole in your face? Anywhere else and you’re in dead trouble!

Honolulu, it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother.

My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, ‘Well that taught me a lesson.’

I had an idyllic childhood and when my parents bought me a Punch and Judy Show and a ventriloquist’s dummy, I’d perform anywhere, anytime. My parents were wonderful when I told them I wanted to be an entertainer.

Comedy should never be over-analysed. It’s either funny or it isn’t. There’s a subtle difference between those who say funny things and those who say things funny.