1,579 Quotes by Kurt Vonnegut

And I say to Sam now: “Sam - here’s the book.” It is so short and jumbled and jangled, Sam, because there is nothing intelligent to say about a massacre.

And I say to Sam now: “Sam - here’s the book.”It is so short and jumbled and jangled, Sam, because there is nothing intelligent to say about a massacre.

You know - we've had to imagine the war here, and we have imagined that it was being fought by aging men like ourselves. We had forgotten that wars were fought by babies. When I saw those freshly shaved faces, it was a shock. 'My God, my God -' I said to myself, 'It's the Children's Crusade.

He had no idea that people thought he was clowning. It was Fate, of course, which had costumed him--Fate, and a feeble will to survive.

If you ever have to give a speech, start with a joke, if you know one. For years I've been looking for the best joke in the world. I think I know what it is. I will tell it to you, but you have to help me. You have to say, "No," when I hold up my hand like this. All right? Don't let me down.Do you know why cream is so much more expensive than milk?AUDIENCE: No.It is because the cows hate to squat on those bottles.

And I like Strauss and Mozart and all that, but the priceless gift that African Americans gave the world when they were still in slavery was a gift so great that it is now almost the only reason many foreigners still like us at least a little bit. That specific remedy for the worldwide epidemic of depression is a gift called the blues. All pop music today-jazz, swing, be-bop, Elvis Presley, the Beatles, the Stones, rock and roll, hip hop and on and on- is derived from the blues.

Human beings used to be molecules which could do many, many different sorts of dances, or decline to dance at all --as they pleased. My mother could do the waltz, the tango, the rumba....

Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sakes. Now, I mean, I'm talking about singing in the shower, I'm talking about dancing to the radio, I'm talking about writing a poem to a friend--a lousy poem.

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.