241 Quotes by Larry David

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.

Shouldn't be having a birthday party two weeks after your birthday ... Okay, three days, no more than that though, it's not your birthday anymore! There’s gotta be a time, there’s gotta be a cutoff point where you can’t have birthday parties. You’re so desperate for a party that you have to have a party two weeks after? Wait till next year, you missed it!

The one thing about Hitler that I admire is that he wouldn't take any shit from magicians.

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.

All of a sudden I discovered that I'm allergic to caviar. It was the perfect metaphor for my life. When I was only able to afford bad caviar, I could certainly eat my fill of it.

I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War.

It has to do - I think - with growing up in an apartment, with my aunt and my cousins right next door to me, with the door open, with neighbors walking in and out, with people yelling at each other all the time.

The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don't like to have hot food for lunch.

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.