86 Quotes by Lewis Grizzard

If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes.

I get letters from people who say, 'What have you got against women?' What could I possibly have against women? I've married three of them.

Spring time is the land awakening.

Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.

When My Love Comes Back from the Ladies' Room, Will I Be Too Old To Care?

They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.

There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.

Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.

Mama had an appreciation of the language. She taught me a love of words, of how they should be used and how they can fill a creative soul with a passion and lead to a life's work.