86 Quotes by Lewis Grizzard

Chilli dawgs always bark at night.

The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.

On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

Yankees don't understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.

Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'