287 Quotes by Louis C. K.

Here's how my brain works: It's stupidity, followed by self-hatred, and then further analysis.

People say, 'My phone sucks.' No, it doesn’t! The shittiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the phone.

When I am in a hotel, and I turn off the lights and the TV, I just freak out. I turn the TV back on and don't get any sleep.

You know the only thing happier than a three-legged dog? A four-legged dog.

I've always loved boxing. It's something I've always been extremely excited about.

I'm not raising the children-I'm raising the grown-ups that they're going to be.

The ability to just sit there. That's being a person.

The thing is, comedy's gone in a weird direction. People are really into ironic comedy and fakeness and cleverness.

I was an awkward kid.