287 Quotes by Louis C. K.

I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a time. It's like old computers that had small memory chips, they would do something called swapping, where they would fill the memory with one task, do it and get it out.

Expensive quality work doesn't cost more - it pays.

I've always benefited from knowing machines well, because it's freedom, it gives you freedom, I always knew that.

For my scale, how I grew up and live my life, I'm making plenty of money.

I don't know if you've ever had just five dollars in the bank, but I've found that if that's all you have, you can't get it out.

If you can survive disappointment, nothing can beat you

You know what our number one threat is? Heart disease.

The last jobs I had were fixing cars and covering football games for a local access TV station. As in driving the mobile van to the field, setting up 3 cameras, teaching depressed grownups and interns how to use them and directing the game from the van and then wanting to kill myself.

I like all ladies of all different ages.