210 Quotes by Maria Semple

The drivers here are horrible. And by horrible, I mean they don't realize I have someplace to be.

All those ninnies have it wrong. The best thing about Seattle is the weather. The world over, people have ocean views. But across our ocean is Bainbridge Island, an evergreen curb, and over it the exploding, craggy, snow-scraped Olympics. I guess what I'm saying: I miss it, the mountains and the water.

First we lay out plastic bags under the leaks and cover them with towels or moving blankets. Then we put a spaghetti pot in the middle to catch the water. The trash bags are necessary because it might leak for hours in one place, then move over two inches. Mom's pièce de résistance is putting an old T-shirt inside the spaghetti pot to muffle the drip-drip-drip. Because that can drive you crazy when you are trying to sleep.

​Because the other way wasn’t working.

But once Violet saw the inherent sadness in one thing, she couldn't stop.

I wish a camera had been trained on me, because it would show what it looks like for a woman to be awakened to the truth. The truth? My lies and exaggerations would be responsible for a mother being locked up.

În L.A., cineva pe jumătate la fel de important ca Elgie ar avea două secretare, iar secretarele ar avea, la rândul lor, secretare și tot așa, până când toate odraslele strălucite ale oamenilor cu influență ar fi pe statul de plată”.

I tried to love Dad and not hate him for his fake cheer and the way he gets dressed. I tried to imagine what Mom saw in him back when she was an architect. I tried to put myself in the shoes of someone who finds every little thing he does a total delight. It was sad, though, because the thought of him and all his accessories always made me sick. I wished I'd never made the connection about Dad being a gigantic girl, because once you realize something like that, it's hard to go back.

[...] în orice conversație se ajunge la un moment dat când nimeni nu se dovedește atât de deștept încât să explice ca pentru proști.