7 Quotes by Martin Boronte

The human body, and parts thereof, should be no more censored, pixelated or blurred, for an adult TV-watching public, than accepting as the norm, from birth, the obscenely vulgar and perverted showing of erect guns everywhere.Sham! Bang! Fuck you Sam.

Welcome to gym. Where the quads and glutes and delts and pects, are the gods of brutes and svelte and sex.

Here's to swimmin' without toe-webbed cretins

People snapping up gossip mags of celebrities snapping their heels at the snapping paparazzi, and snapping them up even more (the mags) when they start snapping at them for snapping them.

It absolutely stinks to have to pay to use public toilets, whether it’s for just a quick tinkle or for a more drawn-out doo-doo. Either way, it’s a shockingly foul business that makes millions from our blameless bladders, and where the only barriers to entry, it seems, are a couple of murky turn stiles, presumably soiled – for free – by non-coin collectors and fantastically ironic dogs. Next time we’ll remember to bring a bottle. And cork.

Farting is as natural as gas light and should not be frowned upon (unless it's one of those putrid puffs, upon which frown away and immediately seek shelter), or indeed lit (unless we've reached the televised stage of a talent show).

E = m-c (Evolution, monkey, church)