14 Quotes by Matthew Inman

I want to hurt, so I can heal.I'm not unhappy.I'm just busy.I'm interested.And that's okay.

They say you should treat your body like a temple. I treat mine like a fast-moving dumpster.

Running is a form of practiced stoicism. It means teaching your brain and body to be biochemically comfortable in a state of disrepair.

If I am sedentary at a time when I have zero excuse for being sedentary, I call this "blerching.

Shut up and run.

I grew up a fat kid, and in a way The Blerch is my former self. I run because I'm terrified of becoming that kid again.

My feeding habits are like that of a trained circus animal: every time I do a trick, I get a reward.

Running a race assigns a point to a sport that often feels very pointless. It's an exuberant payoff to months of tedium. It's a way of crafting an end boss for a particularly cumbersome video game. It's a fun, monstrous reason to keep putting one foot in front of the other. So, do yourself a favor: go build a monster.

marathon: (noun)A popular form of overpriced torture wherein participants wake up at ass-o-clock in the morning and stand in the freezing cold until it's time to run, at which point they miserably trot for a god-awful interval of time that could be better spent sleeping in and/or consuming large quantities of beer and cupcakes.See also: masochism, awfulness, "a bunch of bullshit", boob-chafing, cupcake deprivation therapy