210 Quotes by Milton Berle

In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.

I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.

I just read about a schoolteacher who got hurt. She was grading papers on a curve!

I bought my kid an educational toy to help him make it through life. No matter how you put it together, it's wrong.

I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.

My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.

My son gave me a nice bottle of cologne - Eau de Owe.

She wanted an Italian sports car - with the sport still in it.

Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.