210 Quotes by Milton Berle

Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.

I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry.

If you hire relatives, you'll have a payroll that won't quit.

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.

My brother applied for work, but was told by the company that it had more employees than it needed. My brother said, "Don't worry. The little bit of work I do won't be noticed !!!"

Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.

I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.

Jews don't drink much because it interferes with their suffering.