210 Quotes by Milton Berle

You don’t need to travel, laughter is an instant vacation.

Valentine’s Day is like Armistice Day – you declare a truce.

My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don’t try to run her life, and I don’t try to run mine.

I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law – a battery-operated mouth.

I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn’t give her a fancy gift. And I didn’t.

Money can’t buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.

I don’t date women my age. There aren’t any.

You’re aging when your actions creak louder than your words.

Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I’d told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.