210 Quotes by Milton Berle

A thing of beauty is a job forever.

I don't date women my age. There aren't any.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?

Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list

You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.

We inherit a lot from our parents: mom's eyes, dad's chin, and the attitude of whichever parent isn't punishing you at the moment. All of those things we have our mom's to thank for."If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?"

War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.