75 Quotes by Nikki Glaser

-she's gonna Malcolm Gladwell that shit-

The transgender bathroom thing - it's just so obvious that people are scared of what they don't understand. It's like, 'I don't want to deal with the fact that some people might have been born in the wrong body.'

There's actually a thing called Wikifeet that's the Wikipedia of celebrity girls' feet.

I don't feel the same pressure to be perfect up there that I did in the beginning.

I always told my parents, 'Just give me till I'm 27 to do comedy, to make it'.

My sister was very, very beautiful and I was very not. Doing comedy is the greatest thing ever because you don't have to do that, and I've since learned to let go of that.

My boyfriend and I are not good at fighting. We're better than we were when we started dating - two breakups and three years ago - but it's never come naturally to either of us. I have often wished we fought like I imagine Pink and Carey Hart fight.

The first place I ever performed was at CU Boulder. I went there my freshman year and discovered stand-up after my friends talked me into signing up for a showcase on campus.

My logic used to be if I get angry at my boyfriend, he could say, 'Well, if that thing I do that I don't want to stop doing makes you mad, I don't need to be with you. Bye!' And then he'd leave me. Forever.