911 Quotes by P. J. O'Rourke

In the Third World, honk your horn only under the following circumstances: 1. When anything blocks the road. 2. When anything doesn't. 3. When anything might. 4. At red lights. 5. At green lights. 6. At all other times.

Imagine if all of life were determined by majority rule. Every meal would be a pizza. Every pair of pants, even those in a Brooks Brothers suit, would be stone-washed denim. Celebrity diet and exercise books would be the only thing on the shelves at the library. And - since women are a majority of the population - we'd all be married to Mel Gibson.

The Tenth Commandment sends a message to socialists, to egalitarians, to people obsessed with fairness, to American presidential candidates in the year 2000 - to everyone who believes that wealth should be redistributed. And that message is clear and concise: Go to Hell.

As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children.

Politics is the attempt to achieve power and prestige without merit.

Commies love concrete.

I'm old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now.

Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.

'You're stupid,' is not something even his most severe critics usually say to President Barack Obama.