911 Quotes by P. J. O'Rourke

Some people are worried about the difference between right and wrong. I'm worried about the difference between wrong and fun.

There are just two rules of governance in a free society: Mind your own business. Keep your hands to yourself.

The purpose of the Senate is to keep 100 middle aged knuckleheads out of the private sector where they can do real harm.

Politics is a necessary evil, or a necessary annoyance, a necessary conundrum.

If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.

Like it or not, I've come to appreciate soccer. Any kid can play, which fits with the inclusive agenda of progressive schools. Although the corollary to 'any kid can play' is that every kid must play because there is an iron grip to the warm hug of progressive inclusionism.

If I give up drinking, smoking, and fatty foods, I can add ten years to my life. Trouble is, I'll add it to the wrong end.

Everything that's fun in life is dangerous. And everything that isn't fun is dangerous too. It's impossible to be alive and safe.

You've got to understand, people are motivated by fun. And they should be.