911 Quotes by P. J. O'Rourke

Personally, I believe a rocking hammock, a good cigar, and a tall gin-and-tonic is the way to save the planet.

If we're going to improve the environment, the first thing we should do is duck the government. The second thing we should do is quit being moral. Screw the rights of nature. Nature will have rights as soon as it get duties. The minute we see birds, trees, bugs, and squirrels picking up litter, giving money to charity, and keeping an eye on our kids at the park, we'll let them vote.

The laws of the marketplace are physical laws, and they don't become suspended in a crisis any more than the law of gravity does.

Everybody wants to save the Earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.

The U.S. Constitution is less than a quarter the length of the owner's manual for a 1998 Toyota Camry, and yet it has managed to keep 300 million of the world's most unruly, passionate and energetic people safe, prosperous and free.

Why is Iraq so easy to harm and so hard to help?

There are selves too big for one person to contain. You cannot call them selfish. There is nothing -ish about such selves. They are the self, as it were, itself.

America gives every appearance of being a nation besotted with trashiness - divorce, illegitimacy, casual Fridays.

If you want to join the Republican party, they have to let you in. There's nothing they can do about it. I mean, if Republicans will take Al D'Amato, they'll take anybody.