911 Quotes by P. J. O'Rourke

Sloths move at the speed of congressional debate but with greater deliberation and less noise.

East Germany was so total in its totalitarianism that everything was banned which wasn't compulsory.

The problem with public school is not overcrowding in the classroom. The problem is not teacher unions. The problem is not underfunding or lack of computer equipment. The problem is your damn kids.

Remember, your body needs 6 to 8 glasses of fluid daily. Straight up or on the rocks.

A charity ball is like a dance except it's tax deductible.

It is a popular delusion that the government wastes vast amounts of money through inefficiency and sloth. Enormous effort and elaborate planning are required to waste this much money.

I spent a lot of time behind the Iron Curtain, and their cars were abysmal.

The job of the president of the United States is to talk to the public, is to explain to them. Now, some presidents talk too much, like Bill Clinton. Some presidents try to talk but don't know how, like George Bush senior.

In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.