236 Quotes by P.G. Wodehouse

You probably think that being a guest in your aunt's house I would hesitate to butter you all over the front lawn and dance on the fragments in hobnailed boots, but you are mistaken. It would be a genuine pleasure. By an odd coincidence I brought a pair of hobnailed boots with me!' So saying, and recognising a good exit line when he saw one, he strode out, and after an interval of tense meditation I followed him. (Spode to Wooster)

We all shook hands, and the policeman, having retrieved a piece of chewing-gum from the underside of a chair, where he had parked it against a rainy day, went off into a corner and began to contemplate the infinite.

The awful part of the writing game is that you can never be sure the stuff is any good.

Lady Constance's lips tightened, and a moment passed during which it seemed always a fifty-fifty chance that a handsome silver ink-pot would fly through the air in the direction of her brother's head.

...there occurred to me the simple epitaph which, when I am no more, I intend to have inscribed on my tombstone. It was this:"He was a man who acted from the best motives. There is one born every minute.

I don't know if it has ever occurred to you, but to the thoughtful cove there is something dashed reassuring in all the reports if burglaries you read in the papers. I mean, if you're keen on Great Britain maintaining her prestige and all that. I mean, there can't be much wrong with the moral of a country whose sons go in to such a large extent for housebreaking, because you can take it from me that the job requires a nerve of the more cast-iron description.

... [A] single glance told him that here was somebody who was sitting on a pink cloud with a rainbow round his shoulder. Mr. Trout had not yet burst into song with a hey nonny nonny and a hotchacha, but when you said that you had said everything.

He is England's premier fiend in human shape.

Two tramps of supernatural exuberance called at the cottage shortly after breakfast to ask George, whom they had never even consulted about their marriages, to help support their wives and children.