236 Quotes by P.G. Wodehouse

Why do dachshunds wear their ears inside out?

To have to come and live in New York! To have to leave my little cottage and take a stuffy, smelly, over-heated hole of an apartment in this Heaven-forsaken, festering Gehenna. To have to mix night after night with a mob who think that life is a sort of St. Vitus's dance, and imagine that they're having a good time because they're making enough noise for six and drinking too much for ten.

And so the merry party began. It was one of those jolly, happy, bread-crumbling parties where you cough twice before you speak, and then decide not to say it after all.

It was a nasty look. It made me feel as if I were something the dog had brought in and intended to bury later on, when he had time.

It's brain," I said; "pure brain! What do you do to get like that, Jeeves? I believe you must eat a lot of fish, or something. Do you eat a lot of fish, Jeeves?""No, sir.""Oh, well, then, it's just a gift, I take it; and if you aren't born that way there's no use worrying.

I had one of those ideas I do sometimes get, though admittedly a chump of the premier class.

Come on," he said. "Bring the poker."I brought the tongs as well. I felt like it.

Every author really wants to have letters printed in the paper. Unable to make the grade, he drops down a rung of the ladder and writes novels.

...with each new book of mine I have always the feeling that this time I have picked a lemon in the garden of literature.