71 Quotes by Paul Merton

I have never sold my story, done 'Hello!' magazine, any of that stuff. I'm not guilty of exploiting my private life for cash and then saying, 'Oh, I don't want to talk about my private life.' I've never crossed that line.

All disc jockeys are without talent. Noel Edmonds - I can't stand Noel Edmonds.

I don't always vote in general elections, but I think I've always voted Labour.

I really don't take any interest at all in contemporary comedy.

I remember being fascinated by the very nature of comedy from the age of 10; why is this funny, and that isn't?

I've never been disappointed by politicians. I've never invested that much in them in the first place.

In fact, I don't watch a lot of contemporary comedy for fear of being influenced by it.

Generally speaking, politicians are an odd bunch. They seem to have very thick skins and genuinely don't care what people think. And charm is a very important part of the politician's armoury. I try to resist that kind of charm.

I never give anyone advice: it can backfire horribly. In the 1950s, Eric Morecambe told Ken Dodd to get his teeth fixed. But those teeth turned out to be one of Dodd's big selling points.