71 Quotes by Paul Merton

The thing about improvisation is that it's not about what you say. It's listening to what other people say. It's about what you hear.

On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn't, he said: Do you mind if I mug you here?

My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years.

It was a bizarre existence I led in my early twenties - that cliche of the comedian who goes out and entertains a roomful of people and then goes home to a lonely bedsit was unbelievably poignant for me because that was exactly what I was doing. I had periods of real loneliness.

The economics favour one-man comedy shows: all you need is one person, a microphone and a PA system. But I'm pleased so many people are making a living out of comedy - it's a wonderful business to be in.

Well, sanity, I suppose, is getting people to see the world your way.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

I read every book about Buster Keaton and Chaplin to see how they worked - it's all about dedication, tunnel vision, pursuit of perfection, getting the gag right.

When I wake up on a Monday morning and I realise I don't have to go and work at the civil service, I really think I've won.