138 Quotes by Paula Poundstone

I was court-ordered to Alcoholics Anonymous on television. Pretty much blows the hell out of the second A, wouldn't you say?

The mistakes that I made I made because I drank too much. I don't think that's going to happen any more. Am I going to make mistakes as a parent? Sadly, every day. I'm looking around for the perfect parent and I haven't seen one yet.

Remember when you were considered an environmentalist when you didn't throw junk out the car window? I sure do miss that simpler, happier time.

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas

I don’t believe for a second that weightlifting is a sport. They pick up a heavy thing and put it down again. To me, that’s indecision.

It's funny that we think of libraries as quiet demure places where we are shushed by dusty, bun-balancing, bespectacled women. The truth is libraries are raucous clubhouses for free speech, controversy and community. Librarians have stood up to the Patriot Act, sat down with noisy toddlers and reached out to illiterate adults. Libraries can never be shushed.

I know a little bit about handicapping. If the horse has an IV, you want to stay – away from it.

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.

I was diagnosed a number of years ago with obsessive-compulsive disorder – which everyone has, to some degree – and I have this really annoying trait where in conversation, I always steer it back to something that happened to me.