138 Quotes by Paula Poundstone

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

It is my wish to die of unique causes, perhaps in a high-speed tricycle crash, a bizarre stapling incient, or as a result of inadvertently sucking my brains out through my ear while trying to untwist the vacuum hose.

The problem with cats is that they get the same exact look whether they see a moth or an ax-murderer.

Deep-rooted happiness may require a sense of purpose. If I don't feel that I am in some small way contributing to the greater good, holding on to happiness is like carrying water in my hands.

Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas.

People need each other. Our well-being is tightly tethered to the well-being of people we do not know, most of whom look nothing like ourselves. Happiness, I realized right there in breathing class, requires engagement.

I fall short of her standards. She made me buy cat food that hasn't been tested on animals. My cats took one bite of it, spit it out, and yelled, "Did no one test this?

Once I was gone for a month and I was just miserable, so I flew back from Florida for two hours just to be home and see my cats.

President Obama could keep a big map with push pins on it to keep track of how many countries hate us, and when we get down to only half, let's have a ball. I'll blow up the balloons myself.