138 Quotes by Paula Poundstone

My mom is one of those really angry moms who gets mad at absolutely everything. Once when I was a little kid, I accidentally knocked a Flintstones glass off the kitchen table. She said, ‘Well, dammit, we can’t have nice things.’

Isn’t that weird? It’s the same with exercise, good nutrition, and a healthful sleep schedule. I think most people know that these are the low-hanging fruits of good mental and physical health. They grease the chute from which happiness may slide.

You know, in politics when you come in third, it’s a win.

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it’s just sort of a tired feeling.

I’m the only person I know of who’s ever been pulled over for attempted speeding.

What moron said that knowledge is power? Knowledge is power only if it doesn’t depress you so much that it leaves you in an immobile heap at the end of your bed.

I’m thankful that my memory is good because my vision is going.

I used to watch ‘The Waltons’ and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family.

I have a horrible memory and I used to consider that a liability, but I’ve learned along the way that talking to people is really a beautiful thing.