138 Quotes by Paula Poundstone

It is the best part of the night. The classic (interactive) lines are 'Where are you from? What do you do for a living?' I almost always get something interesting.

I've had to fight very hard to get them where they belong,

You know, in politics when you come in third, it's a win.

Can you remember when you didn't want to sleep? Isn't it inconceivable? I guess the definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep.

I was one of the first people to almost actually vomit over hearing the use of the phrase "family values" and I pride myself on never having fallen for the idea that Barbara Bush was sweet and grandmotherly. I met Barbara Bush and, as I expected, she was a tank with eyes, not a nice person at all and why should that blow anybody away?

The definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep.

I happen to be a devout atheist. I don't believe in God. I still go to church -- I'm not a heathen. I go to an atheist church. We have crippled guys who stand up and testify that they were crippled, and they still are.

I have short-term memory loss, though I'd like to think of it as Persidential eligibility.

I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.