9 Quotes by Rachael Rose Steil

As I searched for food perfection, and as I gained weight, I began to realize that the race for perfection in anything was the path to destruction.

I'm just scared I won't run as fast as I did my freshman year,' I admitted, choking back tears.Coach Woj looked at me for a moment, his eye gentle.'You don't have to.

I decided to say something.It was through an email, an email to my mom confessing that I had a problem with food, that maybe it was an eating disorder, that I wasn't sure what to do or feel. That yes, I had gained weight, and I was scared, and I was constantly thinking about food.That it was taking over my life.

No one could see the thoughts when the body looked normal to them. The voice wanted it to just be the two of us. It wanted to hide. If no one saw it, then no one would believe me.No one would ask.

I knew, deep down, that running would not save me.Rawchael would not save me.Rachael would.

The greatest lesson I learned in this long and confusing journey was that my body was never broken, my mind was never beyond repair, and I was never really as alone as I thought I was.

And that freshman year, as I looked into the mirror, as I stepped onto that scale every morning, as I crawled into bed every night, stomach growling, mind racing, heart anxious, I laughed and I cried. I soothed the aching, empty belly, and I whispered, She is mine.

You are part of my story, and I want you to share the same ending I did--that of recovery, redemption, and hope.

All my mind and body wanted at this point was to be tucked away somewhere with the entire tray of brownies and to eat them as fast as possible. It was as if eating them faster would make the whole thing feel less real, that eating them faster wouldn't give me time to stop eating them. For this moment, they were the bits of euphoria that paradoxically, kept me rooted in this world. I grabbed another brownie.Coach Woj saw me grab my third.