17 Quotes by Rachel Reiland

As much as I loathed pain, progress did not seem to come without it.

If the walls were cracking, I’d plastered the surface back to smoothness. If the floor tiles were crumbling, I’d replaced them. If the roof was leaking, I’d patched the leaks. I’d pretended that, because the “house” still appeared okay, all was okay. Nothing had changed; all had been fixed. Nothing else needed to change.

Most important, the reason I wrote this book is to serve as proof that miracles do happen, that love can and does heal wounds, that there is hope for those with the courage and fortitude to seek healing.

I was the one who was fighting for survival and I was also the murderer within.

Former pleasures meant nothing to me anymore. Life was a series of tasks to be endured, and even the simplest ones were painfully arduous. It took everything I could muster to cook a meal, wash the dishes, or do the laundry. My income was virtually nonexistent. My occupation was therapy.

And, as an adult, you have the freedom and the access to indulge in much greater forms of self-destruction than a two-year-old could ever have. You can drink and use drugs. You can smoke. You can be promiscuous. You can kill yourself if you want to, run into the streets at night, choose to eat everything in sight, or starve yourself. It’s dangerous when the raw black-and-white emotions of a child are harbored in an adult’s mind and body.

It was like being in a struggle for survival against a murderous foe, except I was the one who was fighting for survival and I was also the murderer within.

I didn’t understand why I could not control myself despite my best intentions.