103 Quotes by Ralphie May

  • Author Ralphie May
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    Jesus was a pothead- long hair, beard, sandals, carpenter- do the math it all adds up. Living with twelve guys with no visible means of support.

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  • Author Ralphie May
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    As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy.

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  • Author Ralphie May
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    Roses are red, violets are blue, so are my balls thanks to you.

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  • Author Ralphie May
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    If you want to be called a dwarf you must be in immediate possession of a battle axe cause otherwise your just a midget with an attitude.

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  • Author Ralphie May
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    My father passed on one important piece of relationship advice before he died. He said son, in a relationship you can either be right or you can be happy. You’ll soon find out that you don’t care that much about being right.

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  • Author Ralphie May
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    I've got one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel.

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    The iPhone rules, but it does everything but get a call, you know? I can't tell you how many times my wife has been madder at me because cell phone coverage dropped and she thought I hung up on her.

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  • Author Ralphie May
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    I've never seen myself as a victim because of my physicality. If I did play that game, I wouldn't be the comedian that I am.

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  • Author Ralphie May
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    We are all fingers on the same hand. We may not look alike, but we are all needed.

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