103 Quotes by Ralphie May

I wouldn't want my comedy show to hurt anybody. I'm not Donald Trump.

My jokes aren't predicated on my weight that much. I talk about it some, but it's definitely not the focus, so I don't feel any pressure to stay big.

I've had allergies since I was a kid.

I don't go to comedy clubs unless I'm working. And when I do work, I come in, I do my time and I leave. I don't hang out.

Michigan... it's a great state... somewhere.

The people I make fun of most are white people. They're the dumbest ones. They really are.

My children are terrific babies.

I've always been Ralphie, ever since I was a kid. My grandfather was Ralph. It suits me better to be Ralphie.

People have been calling me names and setting me back my whole life. And with every fight it's just given me more fuel to my fire and in doing so I've become a success.