132 Quotes by Red Buttons

Eve said to the serpent, 'You know I could go for a bit to eat, but I don't know you from Adam.'

Adam, who said to our Lord in the Garden of Eden, I got more ribs - you got more broads? Never got a dinner!

Moses, who said to the Israelites, Stop calling me Charlton! Never got a dinner!

Sure, I've gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees... I've fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, and take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia, poor circulation, hardly feel my hands or feet anymore, can't remember if I'm 85 or 92, but... thank God, I still have my Florida driver's license!

Sonny Von Bulow, who said to her husband Claus on their honeymoon, Stop needling me. Never got a dinner!

Ben Hur, who said to his sister Ben Him, We'd better swap names before they start calling me Ben Gay! Never got a dinner!

Joe Torre, who switched to first base because he didn't want to go through life as Chicken Catcher Torre. Never got a dinner!

The Invisible Man, who said to his wife, I don't care if it looks silly, don't stop! Never got a dinner!

Burt Reynolds, great sex symbol of the movies, who said, I owe it all to one great part. Never got a dinner!