80 Quotes by Richard Armour

William Shakespeare...was baptized on April 26, 1564. When he was born is disputed, but anyone who argues that it was after this date is just being difficult.

Oregon was discovered when someone followed the Oregon Trail right out to the end.

A TIDY SPELL"I've just been through a tidy spell,I tell you it's a verity,I've sorted out the things to keep,The things to give to charity.I've sorted out my ties and belts,I've sorted out my shirts,I've sorted out my coats and slacks---To part with some it hurts.I've sorted out my shoes and socks,I've sorted out my shorts,I've sorted out so much, in fact,That now I'm out of sorts.-by Richard Armour

Melville died in New York on September 28, 1891, blissfully unaware that, in the years to come, so many people would leave the hyphen out of 'Moby-Dick.

Shake and shake the catsup bottle. None will come, and then a lot'll.

The author apologizes for being unable to afford a ghost writer, which explains the lack of a distinctive prose style.

Until Eve arrived, this was a man's world.

Children are supposed to help hold a marriage together. They do this in a number of ways. For instance, they demand so much attention that a husband and wife, concentrating on their children, fail to notice each other's faults.

Retired is being tired twice, I've thought, first tired of working, then tired of not.