41 Quotes by Richard Jeni

You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend.

Live each day as if it were the last day of your life because, so far, it is.

In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will.

If you’re going to war over religion, now you’re just getting into a fight over who has the better imaginary friend.

Never fry bacon when you’re naked.

We spend the second half of our life making up for the first half.

Religious war at its simplest is killing each other over who has the best imaginary friend.

The only difference between the women I’ve dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him.

Animals are happier than humans because they’re like furry little existentialists, all living in the moment. Their collective motto: live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking pelt.