339 Quotes by Rita Rudner

Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.

Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, ""Look, it's always gonna be me!

I had teeth that stuck out so far, I used to eat other kids' candy bars by accident.

The entertainment complements what we do here. There is no better shopping than here and there are no better restaurants. There are a million ways to enjoy yourselves in Las Vegas.

Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

When I want to end a relationship I just say, 'You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.' Sometimes they leave skid marks.

Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about "New Car Interior"?

Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.