50 Quotes by Rob Delaney

I’m endlessly fascinated by parenting, marriage, my wife and the ins and outs of marriage.

Politicians, it’s in their job description to just lie, every day.

I had always loved comedy, and acted out Steve Martin and Bill Cosby albums with my sister for my parents on road trips and stuff, and I loved to laugh and make people laugh.

We can and should complain about certain horrors of the modern world, but when it comes to the treatment of mental illness, the advances made in the last hundred years have been far more significant than the space program, nuclear fission, or even The Wire, for so many fortunate people.

In high school, I definitely fancied myself an intense guy, which is so lame.

But I also know in standup, there’s nowhere to hide. You get on stage and you deliver, or you are eviscerated and you are thrown into a pile of bodies at the bottom of a mountain.

It’s probably not love if you don’t press your face to the toilet seat after they’ve used it to feel their warmth.

On Twitter, I just want to make you laugh at all costs.

I want people to feel good about themselves.