198 Quotes by Robert Benchley

The discovery of phobias by psychiatrists has done much to clear the atmosphere. Whereas in the old days a person would say: 'Let's get the heck out of here!' today she says: 'Let's get the heck out of here! I've got claustrophobia.

There is probably no moment more appalling than that in which the tongue comes suddenly upon the ragged edge of a space from which the old familiar filling has disappeared.

You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health.

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one

A man of forty today has nothing to worry him but falling hair, inability to button the top button, failing vision, shortness of breath, a tendency of the collar to shut off all breathing, trembling of the kidneys to whatever tune the orchestra is playing, and a general sense of giddiness when the matter of rent is brought up. Forty is Life's Golden Age.

One of the chief duties of the fan is to engage in arguments with the man behind him. This department of the game has been allowed to run down fearfully.

This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation.

A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar stairs.

She sleeps alone at last.