198 Quotes by Robert Benchley

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one.

You want to go easy on the suicide stuff – first thing you know, you’ll ruin your health.

Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn’t seem to bother them. But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than theirs. I think also that it may have something written on the back of it, although I can’t find it when I take the suit off.

You won’t find one fish in a million that has enough sense to come in when it rains.

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by that time I was too famous.

I haven’t been abroad in so long that I almost speak English without an accent now.

I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life’s sensational pleasures.

Central Park is the grandiose symbol of the front yard each child in New York hasn’t got.

This congestion in the post offices is due to what are technically known as “regulations” but what are really a series of acrostics and anagrams devised by some officials who got around a table one night and tried to be funny.