198 Quotes by Robert Benchley

I don’t trust a bank that would lend money to such a poor risk.

In America there are two classes of travel – first class, and with children.

At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn’t money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one’s hands.

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

Anything can happen, but it usually doesn’t.

In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That’s what makes it so tough for us outsiders. We have to fight home competition.

The Ultimate Day really begins the night before, when you sit up until one o’clock trying to get things into trunk and bags. This is when you discover the well-known fact that summer air swells articles to twice or three times their original size.

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it’s compounding a felony.

I can’t bring myself to say, ‘Well, I guess I’ll be toddling along.’ It isn’t that I can’t toddle. It’s just that I can’t guess I’ll toddle.